Over the years I have learned just as much about marriage from happily married people as I have from books and blogs.  I  have been observing happy marriages for years.  Not just marriages but marriages that were thriving and filled with trust, happiness, and faith.

Here are some things I have learned:

Go on dates:  This came from a friend in Flagstaff.  One day I was sitting in the foyer at church.  I was not very happy with my husband who was off somewhere while I was trying to manage six buzzing children.  And the wife of a man in our ward stopped to chat.  This woman wasn’t wealthy, worked hard and lived in a modest home.  She had six children of her own.  But her marriage was extremely cute.  She noticed my discontent.  And she told me that we needed to start going on dates every week.  She said she and her husband had been going out together for years.  Sometimes it was just to the grocery store.  But they went.  And it was a game changer for her marriage.  

Be grateful:  This advice was from our former bishop’s wife.  She and her husband gave a little talk to our women’s group on marriage.  And the wife stressed this.  She said that when her husband did something nice she tried to slather on the praise.  If he took her car somewhere to get it serviced when he came home she would be as grateful as she possibly could.  This made him feel great and probably also made him more likely to want to help her out again.

Remain a challenge: I have noticed a number of marriages in my current church group that are happy and they seem to have one thing in common – the members of the couple, particularly the wife – continues to improve and to develop herself.  They keep up their appearance – not model perfect but they look nice and even have a little bit of a signature flair – getting their nails painted, getting their hair done, etc.  They paint or quilt or spend time with friends.  They don’t just sit at home waiting for their spouse to come around.  They are constantly growing and improving.

Take a break when tempers flare:  My grandma had a very happy second marriage.  She wrote in my wedding book: “One of the main things is being honest with each other and loving and not losing your temper if things don’t go right.  One of the good remedies is go outside until one or the other cools off.”  My mom said she doesn’t remember the two ever fighting. 

Stop the Death Spiral:  A man in my church group told me this one.  He said couples are either spiraling up or down.  When you notice your marriage in a downward spiral be the one to stop fretting and move things upward again.  Give a kind comment or gesture.  Don’t worry about who does it first.  You be the one.

Be committed:  This one came from my Dad.  I asked him what the key to a happy marriage was.  He said “commitment.”  That advice has held him and my mom true now for almost fifty years.  Enough said.

Be Happy: We have the cutest couple in our Church group. They are both just beamingly positive people. They have been quite successful in life and have raised a lovely family. Their marriage is a thing of beauty. They are always together and seem to really enjoy each other’s company. I attribute this success in their marriage and in life to their overwhelmingly positive attitudes. Who wouldn’t want to spend the rest of their life with a happy, grateful, uncomplaining person?

Pray together:  My husband and I don’t let a night go by when we don’t kneel next to our bed and pray together.  We need God to help our marriage.  We can’t do it alone.