Month: April 2025

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Slow Down. Take a Break.

Sometimes you just can’t go any more.  I hit that point a few weeks ago.  After four family birthdays, a busy season of sports and music lessons and very tight finances I wasn’t sleeping well any more.  My little body felt weighed down and discouraged.

We didn’t have much money left and it was spring break.  So we decided to go backpacking into a beautiful spot in our home state of Utah.  It was hard work getting ready for the trip.  But the first night of sleep was blissful.  There were no schedules, no deadlines, no house to clean, no kids to pick up, no carpool.  I slept and slept knowing that there was nowhere I needed to be.  The next night was the same.  I went to bed with the sun and woke up much later than normal.  My body needed that rest.

I came back from that two day trip ready to face the world again.  I was sleeping.  I was not grumpy.  The world looked all around rosier although my problems were exactly the same.

Are you tired?  Go to bed early.  Take a nap.  

Are you grumpy and irritable?  Go for a walk.  Take an evening away.

Do you feel discouraged and unable to cope anymore?  Slow down.  Take a day off.  Ask for help from a spouse or a friend. Do something slow and quiet.

While it may seem counterintuitive, taking regular breaks can actually help you be more productive than working without stopping.  Effective breaks can help to reset your perspective so that you’re ready to re-focus when you return to your work.  Taking breaks while studying can even improve recall! If you find yourself growing increasingly frustrated, tired or grumpy – listen to your body!  Take a break and you will come back refreshed, renewed, and ready to face the challenges of life.

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How We’ve Helped Our Kids Deal With Bullying (Pat’s fix)

A spoiler alert: I don’t have perfect kids. In addition to raising kids who have been bullied I have also raised some bullies. More on that in part 2. I’m also not a child psychologist. This might not work for everyone.

My son came home from church crying. Church of all places. This was supposed to be his happy place where he had lots of friends and everyone behaved like Jesus. Well, not today. Today some kids were behaving in a very unchristian manner which included unkind words and some very cruel and crude actions. The last thing I wanted for him was to give up on a good thing because of a few immature kids.

And now he lay on his bed sobbing. My mother’s heart hurt as I racked my brain for how to help.

I’m not sure why but into my mind popped an image of a lady in my church group in Oregon when I was growing up. She was a little round lady who loved to sew. Her name was Pat. My town was pretty wealthy. But Pat wasn’t. She had a bunch of kids and an off balance house that had been added onto in bits and pieces. Pat wasn’t best friends with all the popular ladies in the ward. But she was well-liked. Why? Pat’s secret was service.

Pat was famous for her chocolate chip cookies. And her snickerdoodles. I think they were the most delicious cookies I had ever tasted. Maybe they weren’t actually the most amazing but she just poured so much love into them that receiving a plate was cause for a party. And Pat sewed a lot. Lucky brides received her bright, colorful aprons as wedding presents and babies received her warm, fuzzy flannel blankets. She did hair for her elderly neighbor. I guess that Pat had just discovered that the secret to life’s happiness was giving love.

So, I told my son about Pat. And that like us, she was a poor lady in a rich area. She wasn’t gorgeous or witty or talented or anything like that. She just loved. And she was happy.

And I brought out her chocolate chip cookie recipe. And we went down and made it. They actually didn’t turn out so great if I remember correctly. We live at high altitude so we had to adjust to a different recipe. But it wasn’t the cookie recipe. It was the fact that my son had learned he was not the victim. There were people who needed him. He could make others’ lives brighter. He was in control.

As I have detailed before, service can help struggling adolescents find a sense of purpose and reduces feelings of anxiety and depression. Here is another great article with research from Brigham Young University that backs this up.

I’ve been bullied. I’ve been a victim. So have you. But we don’t have to let it get to us if we learn to love.