Perhaps few stories have had more impact on me than a story I heard given in a church meeting almost twenty years ago. I was a busy young mother of boys living in Boston, Massachusetts. Finances were tight. Friends and family were far away. I was always tired and harried serving in my church group and giving to others. I dreamed of tomorrows when I would live close to friends and family and have the time and financial abundance of which I had always dreamed.

When I first heard this story I gave it little thought. I mentally criticized it as too simplistic. But the story has stayed with me over the years and has continued to be more and more meaningful to me.

President Pouliot, the president of the church in the Exeter, New Hampshire area, related the story similarly to what follows: They had been having a problem with the soap dispensers in his churches. No matter where they placed them they were dripping onto floors, dripping onto counters and the liquid soap inside was creating an awful mess. They tried moving the dispensers to different locations but to no avail. The soapy mess remained. Then one day, they hit on a new idea.

One day President Pouliot noticed something was different in the restrooms.  No more dripping soap, no more residue on counters or floors.  The solution – he discovered – was simple.  They had replaced the liquid soap with foam soap.  The moral of the parable continues to impress me with its many applications: “Don’t change locations, change what’s inside.”

So many of us live life insisting that a change in life’s circumstances will bring us the happiness we desire.  A new job, a new move, a new home, a new dress, a new body – even a new spouse.  We are convinced that herein lies the secret to our happiness.  So we move, we buy the item we’ve been wanting, we divorce our spouse and we discover that we are faced with a new set of opportunities but also a new set of problems, perhaps bigger than or even worse than before.

I am not advocating that we sit still and do nothing about life’s problems.  And sometimes we are faced with tricky challenges or opportunities where a location change is required.  But, more often than not, the key to our happiness, the key to our success lies in changing who we are.  Perhaps we are the ones who need to be more friendly, kinder, more hard-working or more grateful.  Perhaps we are the ones who need to adjust our attitudes or our habits to achieve the relationships or the goals we have always desired.  Perhaps the area we live in contains hidden secrets and untapped friendships waiting for discovery.

The years have passed and we have moved, our family has grown. But any happiness that I have I owe to things I have learned over the years: how to solve problems, how to be less angry and how to be more grateful.  And any discontent that remains about where I live or the people I live with I can clearly see is almost entirely the result of changes and improvements I still need to make in my life.  As Abraham Lincoln said almost 150 years ago: “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” 

Here’s a favorite scripture of mine: “Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; for the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in no wise lose their reward.” (D&C 58: 27-28, emphasis added). Change what’s inside.