This quarantine time can be a hotbed of emotions – happiness, grief, regret, loneliness and yes, for many confined in tight quarters – anger. I have experienced my fair share of angry feelings over the past few weeks. Tight quarters and anxious feelings can fuel explosive situations where we react in anger and say things we regret. I have done this.

However, two ideas came to me as I was dealing with and failing in high conflict situations that have been helpful – the soft reply and the quick exit.

The soft reply works for a situation that is hot but not out of control. Think of this type of conflict or aggravation like a small house fire, it could easily become bigger if you fan the flames or, even worse, match the flames with your own fire. However, your goal is to extinguish those angry feelings just as you would put a lid on a pan fire. This is where you try the virtue of the soft reply (you could even try the virtue of no response and total silence). When a child is in a rage or is not meeting your expectations respond in soft, even tones. You can be firm but do not raise your voice.

The second type of response works best when angry feelings within yourself or another person have reached the stage of an out of control inferno. Picture a toddler tantrum or a teenage rage. What do you do in the face of raging flames? You leave and take others with you if they are the target of your another’s anger. For your safety and that of others the best thing to do is to make a quick exit before you get burned. Do not return until you are they are sufficiently calm and then it still may not be best to mention the situation until some time has passed. If you are the angry one then go somewhere where you can isolate yourself and practice a soothing or calming activity until the time has passed.

I am not an expert at anger. But as I have been dealing with my own and my family’s raw emotions I have been trying things out and I found this fire metaphor particularly helpful for visualizing what to do in tense situations. I hope that it will be helpful to you as well.