Tag: parenting

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25 Things I Have Learned After Almost 25 years of Motherhood

2025

2018

For many years my husband has a tradition that is so endearing.  On the first day of school or thereabouts he gathers all the children to the front porch and amid groans and sighs he manages to extract from them a few precious smiles (or grimaces) for a picture.

These pictures over the past fifteen or so years track the almost imperceptible growth that has taken place in our family.  They are reminder of the march of time that carries us along in its merciless wake.

This year there were only three children left in the picture.  We sent it out to our expanding family group chat.  And one of my sons commented – “That’s sad.  Nobody left.”  It is sad but I am so grateful for the years and the good memories that we have made.  And I have some regrets too.

What have I learned after almost twenty-five years as a mother? 

Play by God’s rules.  They are the secret to a happy life.

Time is precious.  Spend it with your kids.

Don’t get in the anger habit.  Don’t criticize.  Let your kids grow at their own pace.   

Pick your battles (we fought too many battles that weren’t worth the fight)

Be nice to your spouse.  Keep your love alive. Nothing destroys a family faster than divorce.

Nature heals.  Camp. Ski. Hike.  And do it often.

Fancy clothes and homes are highly overrated. 

Limit tv and video games. Good books, thinking toys, clean movies and healthy food are worth the investment.

Be home when they are coming and going.

Take time to talk one on one with your kids.

Teach your kids to serve others and serve with them.

Teach your kids to be nice even to people who are mean.

Don’t pick favorites.  Every child is precious.

Give your kids chores.  Get them jobs.  Teach them the value of money.

Make your home a welcome place for their friends (I wasn’t too good at this)

Be warm and loving.  When they come home treat them like rockstars. 

Take a family vacation every year. 

Don’t overreact to their pain and mistakes.  Let them change and grow.  

Don’t expect other people to train your children.

Teach them about their roots.

Go to church.  Go to church activities.  Be fully invested in your faith.

Sports are good but don’t get obsessed with them.  

Pray for your spouse and children by name.  Listen to what God tells you.

Pray together as a family.

Give the raising of your kids everything you’ve got.  They grow up way too fast.

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How We’ve Helped Our Kids Deal With Bullying (Pat’s fix)

A spoiler alert: I don’t have perfect kids. In addition to raising kids who have been bullied I have also raised some bullies. More on that in part 2. I’m also not a child psychologist. This might not work for everyone.

My son came home from church crying. Church of all places. This was supposed to be his happy place where he had lots of friends and everyone behaved like Jesus. Well, not today. Today some kids were behaving in a very unchristian manner which included unkind words and some very cruel and crude actions. The last thing I wanted for him was to give up on a good thing because of a few immature kids.

And now he lay on his bed sobbing. My mother’s heart hurt as I racked my brain for how to help.

I’m not sure why but into my mind popped an image of a lady in my church group in Oregon when I was growing up. She was a little round lady who loved to sew. Her name was Pat. My town was pretty wealthy. But Pat wasn’t. She had a bunch of kids and an off balance house that had been added onto in bits and pieces. Pat wasn’t best friends with all the popular ladies in the ward. But she was well-liked. Why? Pat’s secret was service.

Pat was famous for her chocolate chip cookies. And her snickerdoodles. I think they were the most delicious cookies I had ever tasted. Maybe they weren’t actually the most amazing but she just poured so much love into them that receiving a plate was cause for a party. And Pat sewed a lot. Lucky brides received her bright, colorful aprons as wedding presents and babies received her warm, fuzzy flannel blankets. She did hair for her elderly neighbor. I guess that Pat had just discovered that the secret to life’s happiness was giving love.

So, I told my son about Pat. And that like us, she was a poor lady in a rich area. She wasn’t gorgeous or witty or talented or anything like that. She just loved. And she was happy.

And I brought out her chocolate chip cookie recipe. And we went down and made it. They actually didn’t turn out so great if I remember correctly. We live at high altitude so we had to adjust to a different recipe. But it wasn’t the cookie recipe. It was the fact that my son had learned he was not the victim. There were people who needed him. He could make others’ lives brighter. He was in control.

As I have detailed before, service can help struggling adolescents find a sense of purpose and reduces feelings of anxiety and depression. Here is another great article with research from Brigham Young University that backs this up.

I’ve been bullied. I’ve been a victim. So have you. But we don’t have to let it get to us if we learn to love.